Broken Heart and Blue Hair
by littleladyfaberry
Summary: Bunheads post 1.08 Blank Up It's Time . Boo has some important news for Sasha. Sasha reacts the best she can. Boosha/Ballesbians.


"Boo? Why are you calling me?"

"Sasha. I need to talk to you right now."

"You could've just texted."

"You picked up."

"I thought it was important."

"It is!"

"Fine. Tell me what's so important."

"I can't tell you over the phone."

"Boo! Why did you call then?"

"Because I'm outside your house and I need you to come out so we can talk."

I sigh. "I'll be out in a minute."

I stick my phone in my pocket and head downstairs, wondering what Boo's news could be. Something to do with ballet? No, a text would've worked for that. Important Paradise gossip? Again, a text would've worked just fine. It might've been in all caps, but it would've still been a text. Unless it was something earth-shattering, like Hubble coming back to life or the movie theater opening back up.

Boo is standing on the porch, anxiously bouncing on her toes. I can't help but smile when I see her. She's so adorable. Innocent almost to the point of being clueless. I try not to let on how much I care about her, but she always manages to slip through my no-affection filter.

"Sasha, I kissed Carl."

My stomach churns and my heart drops and I want to cry and scream and punch someone and sob and scowl all at once.

"Say that again?" I say, carefully keeping my voice level and my face smooth.

"I kissed Carl. Actually, he kissed me. We were practicing our dance and he went in for a dip and he was really close and then all of a sudden he was kissing me and-"

I stand there with my attentive listener face on. Carl kissed her. Carl kissed Boo. Stupid Carl who's a full head shorter than her and unworthy to lace her pointe shoes, much less touch her lips. Nerdy, awkward Carl who has more energy than Paradise uses in a year. The urge to bash something with a baseball bat returns. Carl who is my opposite in every single way.

But she isn't happy about it. I can read Boo like a book. The way she's talking, the expressions she makes, make it clear that she doesn't feel ecstatic about the kiss. Well, there is some obvious excitement because it's her first kiss and all, but there's conflict. Something's bothering her.

"-and then I came here because Mel and Ginny don't like him and I needed to talk to someone."

She looks at me, her eyes pleading for some sort of answer she thinks I can give her.

"What's the problem, Boo?" I ask casually, but not too casually. I don't want her to think I don't care. "It felt good, didn't it?"

"Well, yes, but I started thinking about someone else after the shock wore off."

Oh.

She didn't...?

_Idiot_, I chide myself. _She wasn't thinking about you. Stop being so pathetic. You _know_ who it is._

"Charlie," I say.

She nods. "And Carl kind of ran off without saying anything, so I don't know if we're actually dating and if that counts as cheating..."

My first instinct is to say something toxic, something that will poison her against Carl and warn her off Charlie. I hate myself for it, but I want to hurt her badly enough that she won't think boys will ever want to date her. I'm selfish. If I can't have her, no one else can. The closest I'll get to dating her is having her as a best friend and I don't want any boy to ruin that.

But she's so trusting, so vulnerable. I can never forget the expression she wears when I cut her down. That face is one of the reasons I dyed my hair, so I don't have to look in the mirror and see the bitch who made Boo hurt. The girl with the blue hair is not me. She is someone gutsier and kinder than I will ever be.

She is waiting patiently for my opinion.

"No, Boo, I don't think it's cheating. It's not like you actually kissed Charlie, right?"

"Right." She looks relieved. "And do you think I should be Carl's girlfriend if he asks?"

No.

Please no.

Absolutely not.

Never in a million years.

"It's none of my business, Boo," I say with a shrug. "Do whatever makes you happy."

She hugs me. I love feeling her pressed up against me, warm and vibrant. I love the way she smells. I wish, not for the first time, that I could hold her like this forever. I wish I could kiss her frowns away. I wish she was mine.

But she's not mine and never will be. She thanks me as she pulls away to go find Carl.

And I'm alone.


End file.
